Southern Grandma

Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a
question if they aren't prepared for the
answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town
prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a
grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He
approached her and asked,
"Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr.
Williams I've known you since you were a
young boy, and frankly, you've been a big
disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your
wife, you manipulate people and talk about them
behind their backs. You think you're a big shot
when you haven't the brains to realize you never
will amount to anything more than a two-bit
paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to
do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs.
Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr.
Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy,
bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't
build a normal relationship with anyone and his
law practice is one of the worst in the entire
state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with
three different women. One of them was your wife.
Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked
both counselors to approach the bench, and in a
very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots
asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry
butt in jail for contempt."