Outside Comment

A place to comment about whatever.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Anyway

People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered.
- Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
- Do it anyway.

If you’re successful, you win false friends & true enemies.
- Succeed anyway.

The good will you will do will be forgotten tomorrow.
- Do Good Anyway.

Honesty & frankness will make you vulnerable.
- Be honest & frank anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
- Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you help them.
- Help anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
- Give the world the best you’ve got anyway!

By Mother Theresa

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

WHEN FEAR COWS THE MEDIA

By Jeff Jacoby
The Boston Globe

Sunday, February 19, 2006

The Phoenix is Boston's leading ''alternative" newspaper, the kind of brash, pull-no-punches weekly that might have been expected to print without hesitation the Mohammed cartoons that Islamists have been using to incite rage and riots across the Muslim world. Its willingness to push the envelope was memorably demonstrated in 2002, when it broke with most media to publish a grisly photograph of Daniel Pearl's severed head, and supplied a link on its website to the sickening video of the Wall Street Journal reporter's beheading. (The Phoenix was widely criticized, though not by me. I defended its actions in a column that concluded: "This is no time to be covering our eyes.")

But the Phoenix isn't publishing the Mohammed drawings, and on February 10, in a brutally candid editorial, it explained why.

''Our primary reason," the editors confessed, is ''fear of retaliation from . . . bloodthirsty Islamists who seek to impose their will on those who do not believe as they do. . . . Simply stated, we are being terrorized, and . . . could not in good conscience place the men and women who work at the Phoenix and its related companies in physical jeopardy. As we feel forced, literally, to bend to maniacal pressure, this may be the darkest moment in our 40-year-publishing history."

The vast majority of US media outlets have shied away from reproducing the drawings, but to my knowledge only the Phoenix has been honest enough to admit that it is capitulating to fear. Many of the others have published high-minded editorials and columns about the importance of ''restraint" and ''sensitivity" and not giving ''offense" to Muslims. Several have claimed they wouldn't print the Danish cartoons for the same reason they wouldn't print overtly racist or anti-Semitic material. The managing editor for news of The Oregonian, for example, told her paper's ombudsman that not running the images is like avoiding the N-word -- readers don't need to see a racial slur spelled out to understand its impact. Yet a Nexis search turns up at least 14 occasions since 1999 when The Oregonian has published the N-word unfiltered. So apparently there *are* times when it is appropriate to run material that some may find offensive.

Rationalizations notwithstanding, the refusal of the US media to show the images at the heart of one of the most urgent stories of the day is not about restraint and good taste. It's about fear. Editors and publishers are afraid the thugs will target them as they targeted Danny Pearl and Theo van Gogh; afraid the mob will firebomb their newsrooms as it has firebombed Danish embassies. ''We will not accept less than severing the heads of those responsible," an imam in Gaza preaches. ''Whoever insults a prophet, kill him," reads the sign carried by a demonstrator in London. Those are not figures of speech but deadly threats, and American newspapers and networks are intimidated.

Not everyone has succumbed. The Weekly Standard reproduced the 12 cartoons, and some have appeared in the Philadelphia Inquirer, the New York Sun, and even Spare Change News, a Boston biweekly sold by homeless people. But there has been nothing like the defiance shown in Europe, where some two dozen publications in 13 countries have run the cartoons, insisting that they will not allow thugs to decide what a free press can publish.

Journalists can be incredibly brave, but when it comes to covering the Arab and Muslim world, too many news organizations have knuckled under to threats. Thomas Friedman of The New York Times, a veteran foreign correspondent, admitted long ago that ''physical intimidation" by the PLO led reporters to skew their coverage of important stories or to ignore them ''out of fear." Similarly, CNN's former news executive, Jordan Eason, acknowledged after the fall of Saddam Hussein that his network had long sanitized its news from Iraq, since reporting the unvarnished truth ''would have jeopardized the lives of . . . our Baghdad staff."

Like the Nazis in the 1930s and the Soviet communists in the Cold War, the Islamofascists are emboldened by appeasement and submissiveness. Give the rampagers and book-burners a veto over artistic and editorial decisions, and you end up not with heightened sensitivity and cultural respect, but with more rampages and more books burned. You betray ideals that generations of Americans have died to defend.

And worse than that: You betray as well the dissidents and reformers within the Islamic world, the Muslim Sakharovs and Sharanskys and Havels who yearn for the free, tolerant, and democratic culture that we in the West take for granted. What they want to see from America is not appeasement and apologies and a dread of giving offense. They want to see us face down the fanatics, be unintimidated by bullies. They want to know that in the global struggle against Islamist extremism, we won't let them down.

(Jeff Jacoby is a columnist for The Boston Globe.)

Love V4.0

Service Rep: Hello, you have reached the Heart Systems Software Company help desk. How may I help you?

Customer: I just received your latest program, LOVE v4.0… you know… the freeware. I don’t understand it. Can tell me how to install it?

Service Rep: Sure thing ma’am. Do you have the installation disk and instructions with you?

Customer: Yes I do, but first can you tell me what the program does?

Service Rep: Sure thing ma’am. LOVE is a unique program, there is no other like it anywhere. LOVE attaches to your operating system and runs silently in the background. You will never see LOVE on your monitor or your toolbar, but you will notice its affect on every application you may have. It makes the good programs run smoother and greatly restricts and/or deletes the bad ones.

Customer: Wow! That sounds great. How does LOVE make my machine run smoother?

Service Rep: Well, good sound files, like COMPLIMENT.WAV, ENCOURAGEMENT.WAV, and KINDWORD.WAV will play frequently. Also, FORGIVENESS.EXE will be invoked every time there is an external violation, including the ever-popular syntax errors. Also, all those aggravating errors that say “unable to connect” will be avoided. LOVE allows for a smooth connection with external devices, regardless of what country it is manufactured in, the brand name, or the age of the model.

Customer: That’s exactly what I need, my machine has been isolated for too long. But what about the bad programs?

Service Rep: Good question. LOVE searches your memory for programs like HATE.COM, BITTERNESS.EXE, SELFISH.COM, and SPITE.EXE. These programs can’t be entirely deleted off your hard drive, but LOVE overpowers those programs. LOVE stops their commands from being executed and runs its own instructions. You will no longer hear INSULT.WAV and you won’t be able to write with the fonts “BADWORDS12″ or “HARSHNESS10″.

Customer: That’s a fantastic program you have. Are the upgrades free too?

Service Rep: They sure are ma’am.

Customer: How do I get the upgrades?

Service Rep: That’s easy. Once you have LOVE installed and running, it automatically copies a module, or a piece of itself, to every external Hard Drive Email And Remote Terminal (HEART) that it comes in contact with. In turn, those external devices run whatever version of LOVE they have and return a module to your HEART. You will be upgraded with each and every module that you receive. But you have to remember, to receive the upgrades you have to be running LOVE, and you have to come into contact with other computers while it is running.

Customer: I can do that. I’m not very technical, but I think I am ready to install now. What do I do first?

Service Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART ma’am?

Customer: Yes I have, but there are several programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?

Service Rep: What programs are running ma’am?

Customer: Let me see… I have PASTHURT.EXE, LOWESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.

Service Rep: No problem. LOVE will automatically disable PASTHURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOWESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGHESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to manually turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma’am?

Customer: I don’t know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Service Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.

(Pause)

Customer: Okay, I’m done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?

Service Rep: Yes it is. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?

Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?

Service Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other HEARTs in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops… I have an error message already. It says “ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS”. What does that mean?

Service Rep: Don’t worry ma’am, that’s a common problem. It means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in non-technical terms it means you have to “LOVE” your own computer before it can “LOVE” others.

Customer: So what should I do?

Service Rep: Can you find the directory called “SELF-ACCEPTANCE”?

Customer: Yes, I have it.

Service Rep: Excellent, you are getting good at this.

Customer: Thank you.

Service Rep: You’re welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the “MYHEART” directory: FORGIVESELF.DOC, SELFESTEEM.TXT, REALIZEWORTH.TXT, and VALUE.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete SELFPUNISH.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with really neat files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that WARMTH.COM, PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART!

Service Rep: Then LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go…

Customer: Yes?

Service Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it, and its various modules, to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people and they will return some really neat modules back to you.

Customer: I will. Thank you for your help.

By Author Unknown

Suicide Bombers and the UN

On July 15, MSNBC's "Connected" program discussed the 7/7 London attacks. One of the guests was Pierre Rehov, a French filmmaker who has filmed six documentaries on the intifada by going undercover in the Palestinian areas.

Pierre's upcoming film, "Suicide Killers," is based on interviews that he conducted with the families of suicide bombers and would-be bombers in an attempt to find out why they do it. Pierre agreed to a request for a Q&A interview here about his work on the new film. Many thanks to Dean Draznin and Arlyn Riskind for helping to arrange this special interview.

What inspired you to produce "Suicide Killers," your seventh film?

I started working with victims of suicide attacks to make a film on PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) when I became fascinated with the personalities of those who had committed those crimes, as they were described again and again by their victims. Especially the fact that suicide bombers are all smiling one second before they blow themselves up.

Why is this film especially important?

People don't understand the devastating culture behind this unbelievable phenomenon. My film is not politically correct because it addresses the real problem-showing the real face of Islam. It points the finger against a culture of hatred in which the uneducated are brainwashed to a level where their only solution in life becomes to kill themselves and kill others in the name of a God whose word, as transmitted by other men, has became their only certitude.

What insights did you gain from making this film? What do you know that other experts do not know?

I came to the conclusion that we are facing a neurosis at the level of an entire civilization. Most neuroses have in common a dramatic event, generally linked to an unacceptable sexual behavior. In this case, we are talking of kids living all their lives in pure frustration, with no opportunity to experience sex, love, tenderness or even understanding from the opposite sex.

The separation between men and women in Islam is absolute. So is contempt toward women, who are totally dominated by men. This leads to a situation of pure anxiety, in which normal behavior is not possible. It is no coincidence that suicide killers are mostly young men dominated subconsciously by an overwhelming libido that they not only cannot satisfy but are afraid of, as if it is the work of the devil. Since Islam describes heaven as a place where everything on earth will finally be allowed, and promises 72 virgins to those frustrated kids, killing others and killing themselves to reach this redemption becomes their only solution.

What was it like to interview would-be suicide bombers, their families and survivors of suicide bombings?

It was a fascinating and a terrifying experience. You are dealing with seemingly normal people with very nice manners who have ! their own logic, which to a certain extent can make sense since they are so convinced that what they say is true. It is like dealing with pure craziness, like interviewing people in an asylum, since what they say, is for them, the absolute truth.

I hear a mother saying "Thank God, my son is dead." Her son had became a shaheed, a martyr, which for her was a greater source of pride than if he had became an engineer, a doctor or a winner of the Nobel Prize.

This system of values works completely backwards since their interpretation of Islam worships death much more than life. You are facing people whose only dream, only achievement is to fulfill what they believe to be their destiny, namely to be a shaheed or the family of a shaheed. They don't seethe innocent being killed, they only see the impure that they have to destroy.

You say suicide bombers experience a moment of absolute power, beyond punishment. Is death the ultimate power?

Not death as an end, but death as a door open to the after life. They are seeking the reward that God has promised them. They work for God, the ultimate authority, above all human laws. They therefore experience this single delusional second of absolute power, where nothing bad can everhappen to them, since they become God's sword.

Is there a suicide bomber personality profile? Describe the psychopathology.

Generally kids between 15 and 25 bearing a lot of complexes, generally inferiority complexes. They must have been fed with religion. They usually have a lack of developed personality. Usually they are impressionable idealists. In the western world they would easily have become drug addicts, but not criminals. Interestingly, they are not criminals since they don't see good and evil the same way that we do. If they had been raised in an Occidental culture, they would have hated violence. But they constantly battle against their own death anxiety. The only solution to this deep-seated pathology is to be willing to die and be rewarded in the after life in Paradise.

Are suicide bombers principally motivated by religious conviction?

Yes, it is their only conviction. They don't act to gain a territory or to find freedom or even dignity. They only follow Allah, the supreme judge, and what He tells them to do.

Do all Muslims interpret jihad and martyrdom in the same way?

All Muslim believers believe that, ultimately, Islam will prevail on earth. They believe this is the only true religion and there is no room, in their mind, for interpretation. The main difference between moderate Muslims and extremists is that moderate Muslims don't think they will see the absolutevictory of Islam during their life time, therefore they respect other beliefs. The extremists believe that the fulfillment of the Prophecy of Islam and ruling the entire world as described in the Koran, is for today. Each victory of Bin Laden convinces 20 million moderate Muslims to become extremists.

Describe the culture that manufactures suicide bombers.

Oppression, lack of freedom, brain washing, organized poverty, placing God in charge of daily life, total separation between men and women, forbidding sex, giving women no power whatsoever, and placing men in charge of family honour, which is mainly connected to their women's behaviour.

What socio-economic forces support the perpetuation of suicide bombings?

Muslim charity is usually a cover for supporting terrorist organizations. But one has also to look at countries like Pakistan, Saudi Arabia and Iran, which are also supporting the same organizations through different networks. The ironic thing in the case of Palestinian suicide bombers is that most ofthe money comes through financial support from the Occidental world, donated to a culture that utterly hates and rejects the West (mainly symbolized by Israel).

Is there a financial support network for the families of the suicide bombers? If so, who is paying them and how does that affect the decision?

There used to be a financial incentive in the days of Saddam Hussein ($25,000 per family) and Yasser Arafat (smaller amounts), but these days are gone. It is a mistake to believe that these families would sacrifice their children for money. Although, the children themselves who are very attached to their families, might find in this financial support another reason to become suicide bombers. It is like buying a life insurance policy and then committing suicide.

Why are so many suicide bombers young men?

As discussed above, libido is paramount. Also ego, because this is a sure way to become a hero. The shaheeds are the cowboys or the firemen of Islam. Shaheed is a positively reinforced value in this culture. And what kid has never dreamed of becoming a cowboy or a fireman?

What role does the U.N. play in the terrorist equation?

The UN is in the hands of Arab countries and third world or ex-communists countries. Their hands are tied. The UN has condemned Israel more than any other country in the world, including the regimie of Castro, Idi Amin or Kaddahfi.

By behaving this way, the UN leaves a door open by not openly condemning terrorist organizations. In addition, through UNRWA, the UN is directly tied to terror organizations such as Hamas, representing 65 percent of their apparatus in the so-called Palestinian refugee camps.

As a support to Arab countries, the UN has maintained Palestinians in camps with the hope to "return" into Israel for more than 50 years, therefore making it impossible to settle those populations, which still live in deplorable conditions. Four-hundred million dollars are spent every year, mainly financed by U.S.taxes, to support 23,000 employees of UNRWA, many of whom belong to terrorist organizations (see Congressman Eric Cantor on this subject, and in my film "Hostages of Hatred").

You say that a suicide bomber is a 'stupid bomb and a smart bomb' simultaneously. Explain what you mean.

Unlike an electronic device, a suicide killer has until the last second the capacity to change his mind. In reality, he is nothing but a platform representing interests which are not his, but he doesn't know it.

How can we put an end to the madness of suicide bombings and terrorism in general?

Stop being politically correct and stop believing that this culture is a victim of ours. Radical Islamism today is nothing but a new form of Nazism. Nobody was trying to justify or excuse Hitler in the 1930s. We had to defeat him in order to make peace one day with the German people.

Are these men traveling outside their native areas in large numbers? Based on your research, would you predict that we are beginning to see a new wave of suicide bombings outside the Middle East?

Every successful terror attack is considered a victory by the radical Islamists. Everywhere Islam is expands there is regional conflict. Right now, there are thousands of candidates for martyrdom lining up in training camps in Bosnia, Afghanistan, Pakistan. Inside Europe, hundreds of illegal mosques are preparing the next step of brain washing to lost young men who cannot find a satisfying identity in the Occidental world. Israel is muc h more prepared for this than the rest of the world will ever be. Yes, there will be more suicide killings in Europe and the U.S. Sadly, this is only the beginning.

Praying Hands

Back in the fifteenth century, in a tiny village near Nuremberg, lived a family with eighteen children. Eighteen! In order merely to keep food on the table for this mob, the father and head of the household, a goldsmith by profession, worked almost eighteen hours a day at his trade and any other paying chore he could find in the neighborhood.

Despite their seemingly hopeless condition, two of Albrecht Durer the Elder’s children had a dream. They both wanted to pursue their talent for art, but they knew full well that their father would never be financially able to send either of them to Nuremberg to study at the Academy.

After many long discussions at night in their crowded bed, the two boys finally worked out a pact. They would toss a coin. The loser would go down into the nearby mines and, with his earnings, support his brother while he attended the academy.

Then, when that brother who won the toss completed his studies, in four years, he would support the other brother at the academy, either with sales of his artwork or, if necessary, also by laboring in the mines.

They tossed a coin on a Sunday morning after church. Albrecht Durer won the toss and went off to Nuremberg. Albert went down into the dangerous mines and, for the next four years, financed his brother, whose work at the academy was almost an immediate sensation.

Albrecht’s etchings, his woodcuts, and his oils were far better than those of most of his professors, and by the time he graduated, he was beginning to earn considerable fees for his commissioned works.

When the young artist returned to his village, the Durer family held a festive dinner on their lawn to celebrate Albrecht’s triumphant homecoming. After a long and memorable meal, punctuated with music and laughter, Albrecht rose from his honored position at the head of the table to drink a toast to his beloved brother for the years of sacrifice that had enabled Albrecht to fulfill his ambition.

His closing words were, “And now, Albert, blessed brother of mine, now it is your turn. Now you can go to Nuremberg to pursue your dream, and I will take care of you.”

All heads turned in eager expectation to the far end of the table where Albert sat, tears streaming down his pale face, shaking his lowered head from side to side while he sobbed and repeated, over and over, “No …no …no …no.”

Finally, Albert rose and wiped the tears from his cheeks. He glanced down the long table at the faces he loved, and then, holding his hands close to his right cheek, he said softly, “No, brother. I cannot go to Nuremberg. It is too late for me. Look … look what four years in the mines have done to my hands!

The bones in every finger have been smashed at least once, and lately I have been suffering from arthritis so badly in my right hand that I cannot even hold a glass to return your toast, much less make delicate lines on parchment or canvas with a pen or a brush. No, brother … for me it is too late.”

More than 450 years have passed. By now, Albrecht Durer’s hundreds of masterful portraits, pen and silver-point sketches, watercolors, charcoals, woodcuts, and copper engravings hang in every great museum in the world, but the odds are great that you, like most people, are familiar with only one of Albrecht Durer’s works.

More than merely being familiar with it, you very well may have a reproduction hanging in your home or office.

One day, to pay homage to Albert for all that he had sacrificed, Albrecht Durer painstakingly drew his brother’s abused hands with palms together and thin fingers stretched skyward. He called his powerful drawing simply “Hands,” but the entire world almost immediately opened their hearts to his great masterpiece and renamed his tribute of love “The Praying Hands.”

The next time you see a copy of that touching creation, take a second look. Let it be your reminder, if you still need one, that no one - no one - ever makes it alone!

By Author Unknown

Friday, February 10, 2006

Somebody

Right Now…

somebody is very proud of you.
somebody is thinking of you.
somebody is caring about you.somebody misses you.
somebody wants to talk to you.

somebody wants to be with you.
somebody hopes you aren’t in trouble.
somebody is thankful for the support you have provided.

somebody wants to hold your hand.
somebody hopes everything turns out all right.
somebody wants you to be happy.

somebody wants you to find him/her.
somebody is celebrating your successes.
somebody wants to give you a gift.

somebody thinks that you ARE a gift.
somebody hopes you’re not too cold, or too hot.
somebody wants to hug you.

somebody loves you.
somebody wishes you would lavish them with small things.
somebody admires your strength.
somebody is thinking of you and smiling.
somebody wants to be your shoulder to cry on.

somebody wants to go out with you and have a lot of fun.
somebody thinks the world of you.
somebody wants to protect you.
somebody would do anything for you.
somebody wants to be forgiven.

somebody is grateful for your forgiveness.
somebody wants to laugh with you about old times.
somebody remembers you and wishes that you were there.
somebody is praising God for you.
somebody needs to know that your love is unconditional.

somebody values your advice.
somebody wants to tell you how much they care.
somebody wants to stay up watching old movies with you.
somebody wants to share their dreams with you.
somebody wants to hold you in their arms.

somebody wants YOU to hold them in your arms.
somebody treasures your spirit.
somebody wishes they could STOP time because of you.
somebody praises God for your friendship and love.
somebody can’t wait to see you.

somebody wishes that things didn’t have to change.
somebody loves you for who you are.
somebody loves the way you make them feel.
somebody wants to be with you.
somebody is hoping they can grow old with you.

somebody wants you to know they are there for you.
somebody’s glad that you’re his/her friend.
somebody wants to be your friend.
somebody stayed up all night thinking about you.
somebody is alive because of you.

somebody is very remorseful after losing your friendship.
somebody is wishing that you noticed him/her.
somebody wants to get to know you better.
somebody believes that you are his/her soul mate.
somebody wants to be near you.

somebody misses your advice/guidance.
somebody has faith in you.
somebody trusts you.
somebody needs you to send them this letter.
somebody needs your support.

somebody needs you to have faith in them.
somebody will cry when they read this.
somebody needs you to let them be your friend.
somebody hears a song that reminds them of you.

By Author Unknown

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Three Guys

Three guys -- a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden, and an American Engineer -- are working together one day.

They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you one wish, which is three Wishes total," says the Genie.

The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son Will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."

Pooooof! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever made Fertile for farming.

Osama bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state."

Pooooof! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.

The American engineer says, "I am very curious. Please tell me more About this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's 5000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the countries. Nothing can get in or out -- it's virtually impenetrable."

The American engineer says, "Fill it with water."

The Wise Woman's Stone

A wise woman who was traveling in the mountains found a precious stone in a stream. The next day she met another traveler who was hungry, and the wise woman opened her bag to share her food. The hungry traveler saw the precious stone and asked the woman to give it to him. She did so without hesitation.

The traveler left rejoicing in his good fortune. He knew the stone was worth enough to give him security for a lifetime.

But, a few days later, he came back to return the stone to the wise woman.

“I’ve been thinking,” he said. “I know how valuable this stone is, but I give it back in the hope that you can give me something even more precious. Please give me what you have within you that enabled you to give me this stone.”

Sometimes it’s not the wealth you have but what’s inside you that others need.

By Author Unknown

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Southern Grandma

Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a
question if they aren't prepared for the
answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town
prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a
grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He
approached her and asked,
"Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr.
Williams I've known you since you were a
young boy, and frankly, you've been a big
disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your
wife, you manipulate people and talk about them
behind their backs. You think you're a big shot
when you haven't the brains to realize you never
will amount to anything more than a two-bit
paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to
do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs.
Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr.
Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy,
bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't
build a normal relationship with anyone and his
law practice is one of the worst in the entire
state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with
three different women. One of them was your wife.
Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked
both counselors to approach the bench, and in a
very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots
asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry
butt in jail for contempt."